Officiousness
The European Commission has announced an agreement
whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which
was the other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling
had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of "Euro-English".
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In the first year, "s" will replace
the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The
hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k", which should
klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.
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There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f",
making words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
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In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent
"e" is disgrasful. By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such
as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
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During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o"
kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors
be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it ezi
to understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI COM TRU !
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